My mother's father (Grandpa) showed up at 11:45 to tell me the nuts from her church--sorry if you're offended that I consider church people to be nuts by default--were on their way to give communion. He's funny because he has a light brown suit that he wears that is straight out of the 1970s. It's like what any of my family might've worn to my parents' wedding. Fifteen years ago it might've seemed ridiculous, but now it's so retro that it doesn't look half bad.
When I found out that they were on their way, I started throwing on clothes and asked Grandpa to watch mom while I went to the store to pick up some stuff. I had a few things I needed, but not much, really. So I managed to get out of the driveway just before I got trapped in. I have no interest in either the symbolism of communion or eating the world's shittiest cookie, and drinking grape juice. You know these American nuts. Wine the drink of Satan, or something, so they take the only bit of religious service I would remotely be interested in, namely getting a shot of wine, and get rid of that. So either Jesus turned water into grape juice, or he was not very christian. Or the third option is that these people are all full of shit.
So I tore out of there so fast that I forgot my glasses. There was a lot of squinting going on at the Wal*mart. And speaking of that store, what the fuck is up with the large storage tubs? The tubs themselves have absolutely nothing to do with any of the lids nearby. There seem to be the same number of lids as containers, but nothing matches. It can be tricky at Target, but usually you just try one or two lids before you find it. I found the tub I wanted, and no lid fit it anywhere. So I started just trying to see what lids would fit what and more than half seemed to have no partner. I finally bought two bright red tubs because I could at least tell which lid they went with.
Oh, and in my gluttony to stuff myself with American things I missed while in Germany, but didn't really even eat while in the US, I bought unfrosted strawberry Pop Tarts. That's like a day's calories in a tiny box.
When I found out that they were on their way, I started throwing on clothes and asked Grandpa to watch mom while I went to the store to pick up some stuff. I had a few things I needed, but not much, really. So I managed to get out of the driveway just before I got trapped in. I have no interest in either the symbolism of communion or eating the world's shittiest cookie, and drinking grape juice. You know these American nuts. Wine the drink of Satan, or something, so they take the only bit of religious service I would remotely be interested in, namely getting a shot of wine, and get rid of that. So either Jesus turned water into grape juice, or he was not very christian. Or the third option is that these people are all full of shit.
So I tore out of there so fast that I forgot my glasses. There was a lot of squinting going on at the Wal*mart. And speaking of that store, what the fuck is up with the large storage tubs? The tubs themselves have absolutely nothing to do with any of the lids nearby. There seem to be the same number of lids as containers, but nothing matches. It can be tricky at Target, but usually you just try one or two lids before you find it. I found the tub I wanted, and no lid fit it anywhere. So I started just trying to see what lids would fit what and more than half seemed to have no partner. I finally bought two bright red tubs because I could at least tell which lid they went with.
Oh, and in my gluttony to stuff myself with American things I missed while in Germany, but didn't really even eat while in the US, I bought unfrosted strawberry Pop Tarts. That's like a day's calories in a tiny box.
oh man…at least mine still brought wine. I've been offered so much body and blood lately…it's like a zombie armageddon. all the ritual and pomp and circumstance of the funeral was nuts to me (unfolding blankets on the casket, offertory gifts of oil and wine and some other crap…incense [I kinda like that part…at least makes the experience seem like a bad head shop…which is what it seems like to me anyway]…hail marys). Though my grandmother did once baptize me with holy water in her kitchen sink 5 times (she wanted to make sure it "took") and I used to cause a scene at church when I wouldn't get a cookie and all the adults did…seems like something I would do.
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