Well, it was a nice day. My mom slept a lot (though I did pay for that later in the evening) and then quietly watched a pirated Django screener. She loved it. Of course, it was her idea to want to see that movie, so I it was acceptable when I offered. Then she wanted to get up and out of bed shortly after I gave her the sleeping pill that seems to now just cause her to be more annoying...and then holy jesus fuck! The confessions that followed were insane even considering that my mom tends to be fairly full of shit.
So it turns out that while I was thinking that she got sadder and kinder and bonded with my brother out of desperation, the truth is that some of that may have happened, but what she really did was foster some really dark shit in him. And she's been doing it non-stop until he's pretty close to being completely out of control.
Here's the latest. So a good friend pointed out to me that it sounded like she has borderline personality disorder. And of all the aspects of her that get pegged when I assume that to be true, there is one that is more true than any other: She either believes someone is her most beloved and amazing friend, or else they are her nemesis. She told me all manner of horrible things about my dad my whole life. At some point, I realized she was chronically re-writing history with regard to everything else, so rather than take her word, I just decided to let people's actions speak for their character. So who was the better person, the kindly creative guy who everyone loved or the bitter and venomous woman who was doing all she could to convince me he was the poisonous one? I figured out where the poison really came from. Then, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this summer and she came to see him and drive him nuts with Jesus bullshit, and suddenly he's the greatest and she should never have divorced him, and thinks that they had a connection that persisted until today. I am not my dad, so I can't speak for what he thought, but based on what I do know, nothing could be further from reality on his end. She also told me how awful some other people were for my whole life, but now she can't stop singing the praises of those people too.
Once upon a time, she was trying her bullshit on me directly. She used to do this obnoxious thing when I would come to New Mexico to visit people for 6 or 7 days, and I would devote one or two to her, so I'd call her to say I was here. Then she would make me talk to her for 2 or 3 hours. After having done this a few times, I would feel like I wasted a huge chunk of my visiting time letting her tell me her super hero stories and blowing off anything to do with me, so I'd cut off a day of visiting. Well, one time I decided to tell her off for all the shit I was upset about my whole life. She called me a coward for not standing up for myself when I was 5 and whatnot. She asked why I was so distant and I stopped managing her rage and just told her everything all at once. It ended up being a gigantic screaming match, and I don't remember if I saw her again that trip. There were a few trips after that incident where I would meet her for dinner in town somewhere and not go to her house at all. Anyway, apparently she wrote something really shitty about me and saved it, because she begged me to destroy it without reading it when I find the thing. I'm dying to read it. But part of the reason she wants me to find it and get rid of it is to not let my brother see it. Now I'll tell you why that's important.
So, my mother has someone who buys into her crazy shit (half of which exists only in her head) and then acts on it to the level that she feels it (turned up to eleven). That means my little brother vandalized the office belonging to the doctor who "gave her cancer"--okay, those quotes should really say, "gave me cancer" since my mother said it, but whatever--and now wants to kill him when she dies. She just told me a story about how she got really upset with a pharmacist here and came home and then whipped my brother up so that she had to call someone because he had a loaded gun and was going for the guy.
So apparently there's some marching orders for hating or hurting me written somewhere in the house. I can't be sure because she was vague, but I'll find out where and get them. I'm dying for a good read, and the new (and final) Wheel of Time book that my cousin awesomely bought for me won't be here until Monday.
She also gave away a gun she promised him because she's afraid that when she goes, he may go waste some of the doctors responsible for "killing her." Crazy.
So all of her "don't go giving your money away" was directed at someone specific. I'll be vague here, but she is apparently jealous of some of the familial relationships I have with people who didn't treat me like shit, and it turns out she's been working to turn my brother against these people for a long time. Her latest trick was regarding something she's going to leave behind and my brother and I are going to have to unload. She told my brother, "don't let person X have it no matter what," or something to that effect. Then her crazy brain has now flipped and she's in adoration of that same person, and she tells me, "make sure person X get's this thing." To which I said, "You're just setting us up for a horrible battle if you've whipped him up against this idea that you're now in love with." And she said, "well I'll tell him it's okay." To which I said, "Well, he's just going to think I had you here and worked on you to brainwash you." So she started crying and saying she was always so jealous. I just couldn't help thinking how bitter and pathetic she is to decide that she's jealous of a relationship I have, so she's going to make sure to drive a wedge between me and my brother. Well congrats, mom, it worked.
Oh and there's something else I want to vent. In the past several years, I've been seeing my mom for longer, and multiple days. I think I visited her every day except for one last xmas, and that was when the roads out of my dad's place were likely impassable. Anyway, when this whole thing first went down, my brother offered to buy me a ticket with a text message that basically said that I had to stay here the whole time and couldn't go see my cousins. I believe he said, "none of this one hour shit." Anyway, I didn't respond. I was already driving down here and was just trying to get shit in order like my car to work and be legal to drive... But someone pointed out to me today that he basically did the exact fucking thing he wrote me a shitty message about. He was here very little. Even now, he lives four hours away, but didn't bother to come see is deteriorating mother over the weekend. A person could leave at 8, be here by noon, hang until 6, and be home at 10 on Sunday, and still have a weekend day free.
It turns out that I don't like douchiness, but I detest hypocrisy.
So it turns out that while I was thinking that she got sadder and kinder and bonded with my brother out of desperation, the truth is that some of that may have happened, but what she really did was foster some really dark shit in him. And she's been doing it non-stop until he's pretty close to being completely out of control.
Here's the latest. So a good friend pointed out to me that it sounded like she has borderline personality disorder. And of all the aspects of her that get pegged when I assume that to be true, there is one that is more true than any other: She either believes someone is her most beloved and amazing friend, or else they are her nemesis. She told me all manner of horrible things about my dad my whole life. At some point, I realized she was chronically re-writing history with regard to everything else, so rather than take her word, I just decided to let people's actions speak for their character. So who was the better person, the kindly creative guy who everyone loved or the bitter and venomous woman who was doing all she could to convince me he was the poisonous one? I figured out where the poison really came from. Then, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this summer and she came to see him and drive him nuts with Jesus bullshit, and suddenly he's the greatest and she should never have divorced him, and thinks that they had a connection that persisted until today. I am not my dad, so I can't speak for what he thought, but based on what I do know, nothing could be further from reality on his end. She also told me how awful some other people were for my whole life, but now she can't stop singing the praises of those people too.
Once upon a time, she was trying her bullshit on me directly. She used to do this obnoxious thing when I would come to New Mexico to visit people for 6 or 7 days, and I would devote one or two to her, so I'd call her to say I was here. Then she would make me talk to her for 2 or 3 hours. After having done this a few times, I would feel like I wasted a huge chunk of my visiting time letting her tell me her super hero stories and blowing off anything to do with me, so I'd cut off a day of visiting. Well, one time I decided to tell her off for all the shit I was upset about my whole life. She called me a coward for not standing up for myself when I was 5 and whatnot. She asked why I was so distant and I stopped managing her rage and just told her everything all at once. It ended up being a gigantic screaming match, and I don't remember if I saw her again that trip. There were a few trips after that incident where I would meet her for dinner in town somewhere and not go to her house at all. Anyway, apparently she wrote something really shitty about me and saved it, because she begged me to destroy it without reading it when I find the thing. I'm dying to read it. But part of the reason she wants me to find it and get rid of it is to not let my brother see it. Now I'll tell you why that's important.
So, my mother has someone who buys into her crazy shit (half of which exists only in her head) and then acts on it to the level that she feels it (turned up to eleven). That means my little brother vandalized the office belonging to the doctor who "gave her cancer"--okay, those quotes should really say, "gave me cancer" since my mother said it, but whatever--and now wants to kill him when she dies. She just told me a story about how she got really upset with a pharmacist here and came home and then whipped my brother up so that she had to call someone because he had a loaded gun and was going for the guy.
So apparently there's some marching orders for hating or hurting me written somewhere in the house. I can't be sure because she was vague, but I'll find out where and get them. I'm dying for a good read, and the new (and final) Wheel of Time book that my cousin awesomely bought for me won't be here until Monday.
She also gave away a gun she promised him because she's afraid that when she goes, he may go waste some of the doctors responsible for "killing her." Crazy.
So all of her "don't go giving your money away" was directed at someone specific. I'll be vague here, but she is apparently jealous of some of the familial relationships I have with people who didn't treat me like shit, and it turns out she's been working to turn my brother against these people for a long time. Her latest trick was regarding something she's going to leave behind and my brother and I are going to have to unload. She told my brother, "don't let person X have it no matter what," or something to that effect. Then her crazy brain has now flipped and she's in adoration of that same person, and she tells me, "make sure person X get's this thing." To which I said, "You're just setting us up for a horrible battle if you've whipped him up against this idea that you're now in love with." And she said, "well I'll tell him it's okay." To which I said, "Well, he's just going to think I had you here and worked on you to brainwash you." So she started crying and saying she was always so jealous. I just couldn't help thinking how bitter and pathetic she is to decide that she's jealous of a relationship I have, so she's going to make sure to drive a wedge between me and my brother. Well congrats, mom, it worked.
Oh and there's something else I want to vent. In the past several years, I've been seeing my mom for longer, and multiple days. I think I visited her every day except for one last xmas, and that was when the roads out of my dad's place were likely impassable. Anyway, when this whole thing first went down, my brother offered to buy me a ticket with a text message that basically said that I had to stay here the whole time and couldn't go see my cousins. I believe he said, "none of this one hour shit." Anyway, I didn't respond. I was already driving down here and was just trying to get shit in order like my car to work and be legal to drive... But someone pointed out to me today that he basically did the exact fucking thing he wrote me a shitty message about. He was here very little. Even now, he lives four hours away, but didn't bother to come see is deteriorating mother over the weekend. A person could leave at 8, be here by noon, hang until 6, and be home at 10 on Sunday, and still have a weekend day free.
It turns out that I don't like douchiness, but I detest hypocrisy.
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