I got it again, the silly deathbed promise about kale
"Promise me when I'm gone you'll eat kale smoothies twice a week."
"I'm not promising that, Mom."
"But it has three times more bioenzymes than any other vegetable!"
"What does that mean, exactly?"
"It will keep you from getting cancer," says the woman who is dying young of cancer after years of kale smoothies.
I'm not saying she's necessarily wrong, I'm just saying that it's silly.
She's also started telling me that someone is holding her hand at night while she's asleep. She also got my very impressionable little brother to say, "I hear you talking to someone in there at night." I think she wants me to tell her it's my dad. She tells this to everyone. Some people, like her nurses, say it's probably Jesus. I, unfortunately, think it's her imagination. I don't tell her this, of course, but I wish she would quit telling me about it and trying to get me to acknowledge that I'm totally in the wrong in my non-belief. I was thinking I should make a stuffed dummy of Adolf Hitler or something and have him sitting and holding her hand when she wakes up, but I'm content to let her die of cancer and not a heart attack. I hope when I'm dying and driving my very Christian son nuts I'm not laying in bed going, "Oh in the night nothing was holding my hand, because there is no afterlife. Admit that you didn't hear me talking to anyone!"
Oh and the dimes! At first she was telling me that I should stack up dimes somewhere and after she died, I'd know she was watching over me or something because she'd knock them over. First of all, I need a control. Maybe I'll say, I'll put up 9 stacks of dimes. Knock over only the middle stack if that's really you. I think I gave her crap one time when she was on about this a few days ago and asked what she would do when I was in Germany and didn't have access to dimes.
Anyway, today she started something new. She said, "You know, they say that when someone tries to reach you from beyond, you'll start finding dimes everywhere. So if you notice a lot of dimes after I'm gone, that's me." Of course, if my mom dies and I go looking for dimes, I'm going to find them. I won't notice that I encounter way more nickels or pennies because I'll be fixated on the dimes. My response to her was, "What the hell? Why don't you just leave me $100 bills everywhere? _Then_ I'll believe it's you!"
I need to start inviting people over at about 6 PM to talk to her. She's going to sleep earlier and earlier, and waking up earlier and earlier. Today she went to bed around 6:15. Last night it was like 7:30, so of course, when she was up to pee at 4:50 AM (there was one in the 11 PMs that she went back to sleep after) she wanted to chit chat. I went to bed at 12:30 :/
But she's getting a catheter soon. I actually don't mind the fractured sleep so much. It does totally wreck my day, but I'm also pretty sure that having to get her up every 3 hours has been doing wonders for keeping her from getting bed sores. I'll have to set an alarm or something to do it just for that purpose. It will, however, be nice to be able to stay asleep all night. It'll also let her drink as much as she wants. She has been trying to hold back as much as possible. I'll give her kindness points for that.
Man, in two weeks, her limbs have really gone from normal to having absolutely no muscle. I saw the same in my dad's arms when he was first diagnosed.
I'm getting a lot more of Grandpa too. Today he came by again without Jesus people, and apparently he had dismantled his washer and couldn't reassemble it. It seems that I might have to try to do that for him soon. I hate that doing that will mean I'll have to see Granny. Now she is a nut squared. She always had some sing-song fake voice and personality, and when you could get her to crack it, she was all evil. She was like a more saccharine Dolores Umbridge. But now she just sits all day and stares. She says almost nothing, she just stares. Every so often, she'll let on that she's aware of what's going on, but she just doesn't give a shit. She's definitely the reason my mother is screwed up, just like my mom is the reason I'm screwed up, and if I have kids, I'll probably be the reason they're screwed up. My mom has a couple of sisters. I haven't seen one since I was a kid, but the other is batshit crazy. She once came to visit my grandparents (not the ones that belonged to her) while I was staying with them, and wouldn't say a word to me. It was weird as hell. She used to stalk a guy from one of my sculpture classes. She also looks a bit like the Goblin King from The Hobbit movie, only with somewhat smaller testicles for a chin.
"Promise me when I'm gone you'll eat kale smoothies twice a week."
"I'm not promising that, Mom."
"But it has three times more bioenzymes than any other vegetable!"
"What does that mean, exactly?"
"It will keep you from getting cancer," says the woman who is dying young of cancer after years of kale smoothies.
I'm not saying she's necessarily wrong, I'm just saying that it's silly.
She's also started telling me that someone is holding her hand at night while she's asleep. She also got my very impressionable little brother to say, "I hear you talking to someone in there at night." I think she wants me to tell her it's my dad. She tells this to everyone. Some people, like her nurses, say it's probably Jesus. I, unfortunately, think it's her imagination. I don't tell her this, of course, but I wish she would quit telling me about it and trying to get me to acknowledge that I'm totally in the wrong in my non-belief. I was thinking I should make a stuffed dummy of Adolf Hitler or something and have him sitting and holding her hand when she wakes up, but I'm content to let her die of cancer and not a heart attack. I hope when I'm dying and driving my very Christian son nuts I'm not laying in bed going, "Oh in the night nothing was holding my hand, because there is no afterlife. Admit that you didn't hear me talking to anyone!"
Oh and the dimes! At first she was telling me that I should stack up dimes somewhere and after she died, I'd know she was watching over me or something because she'd knock them over. First of all, I need a control. Maybe I'll say, I'll put up 9 stacks of dimes. Knock over only the middle stack if that's really you. I think I gave her crap one time when she was on about this a few days ago and asked what she would do when I was in Germany and didn't have access to dimes.
Anyway, today she started something new. She said, "You know, they say that when someone tries to reach you from beyond, you'll start finding dimes everywhere. So if you notice a lot of dimes after I'm gone, that's me." Of course, if my mom dies and I go looking for dimes, I'm going to find them. I won't notice that I encounter way more nickels or pennies because I'll be fixated on the dimes. My response to her was, "What the hell? Why don't you just leave me $100 bills everywhere? _Then_ I'll believe it's you!"
I need to start inviting people over at about 6 PM to talk to her. She's going to sleep earlier and earlier, and waking up earlier and earlier. Today she went to bed around 6:15. Last night it was like 7:30, so of course, when she was up to pee at 4:50 AM (there was one in the 11 PMs that she went back to sleep after) she wanted to chit chat. I went to bed at 12:30 :/
But she's getting a catheter soon. I actually don't mind the fractured sleep so much. It does totally wreck my day, but I'm also pretty sure that having to get her up every 3 hours has been doing wonders for keeping her from getting bed sores. I'll have to set an alarm or something to do it just for that purpose. It will, however, be nice to be able to stay asleep all night. It'll also let her drink as much as she wants. She has been trying to hold back as much as possible. I'll give her kindness points for that.
Man, in two weeks, her limbs have really gone from normal to having absolutely no muscle. I saw the same in my dad's arms when he was first diagnosed.
I'm getting a lot more of Grandpa too. Today he came by again without Jesus people, and apparently he had dismantled his washer and couldn't reassemble it. It seems that I might have to try to do that for him soon. I hate that doing that will mean I'll have to see Granny. Now she is a nut squared. She always had some sing-song fake voice and personality, and when you could get her to crack it, she was all evil. She was like a more saccharine Dolores Umbridge. But now she just sits all day and stares. She says almost nothing, she just stares. Every so often, she'll let on that she's aware of what's going on, but she just doesn't give a shit. She's definitely the reason my mother is screwed up, just like my mom is the reason I'm screwed up, and if I have kids, I'll probably be the reason they're screwed up. My mom has a couple of sisters. I haven't seen one since I was a kid, but the other is batshit crazy. She once came to visit my grandparents (not the ones that belonged to her) while I was staying with them, and wouldn't say a word to me. It was weird as hell. She used to stalk a guy from one of my sculpture classes. She also looks a bit like the Goblin King from The Hobbit movie, only with somewhat smaller testicles for a chin.
http://io9.com/5975002/james-watson-says-antioxidants-may-actually-be-causing-cancer?utm_source=gawker.com&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=recirculation
ReplyDeleteOh hey look some science to soothe your brain.
I told her about this. It changed nothing. I think she didn't trust it because it's phrased as a did-you-know-that-thing-you've-been-doing-could-be-bad-for-you way and not in a there's-a-global-conspiracy-but-we're-going-to-sell-you-this-life-saving-product kind of way.
ReplyDelete