So much has changed and yet so much remains the same. Mom is still dead for one. So is my dad. I'm still living in my mother's house in Deming, New Mexico at the moment. Why? Because something comes up every time I try to get things in order to get out. It's always something different, and I know it's June and I've been trying to do it since Feb. What happened? Part of it was me working on other things and not being ready, but once that went on long enough, everything else came in to shit on my efforts.
The biggest one of these things is that my aunt went to get screened for cancer because my dad had just died of it, and then my mom did. Guess what! She had some. So she hauled her ass to the biggest and best cancer hospital possible: M.D. Anderson.. I'm not upset about that sacrifice in the least, it's just... Well I have a thing. The thing is this: if you tell me something will happen, or if I plan for something to happen on a certain day, and it gets moved, I'll get annoyed. If it keeps happening, I'll want to kill you. With my aunt, it was fine, because she's really the last vestige of anything parental in my life, and I still really need some of that around, even just passively, because I'm not ready to be an adult. Is anyone? My dad said he never felt like one. I think that might just be how it is for those of us who remain silly and playful goofballs. You're never not a kid, you just see that these kids who are 20 years younger than you are real morons and maybe they need some advice and help.
So this brings me to my latest thing. I went with my aunt, she had surgery, we stayed in Houston for a month and enjoyed that M.D. Anderson is a fucking amazing hospital to be in. It was almost a pleasure to stay there. And then she recovered for a while and we drove back to Deming. And now, NOW I can surely have this yard sale and get on with selling the house. So I set a date and made a plan. And then my grandfather wanted me to drive him that weekend to a family reunion. I kindly blew him off, and then he basically begged me on the verge of tears. So I couldn't fucking say no. Fuck. He wants me to drive all night Friday, "enjoy" the reunion, stay the night, and then drive back all night Sunday. My problems are as follows:
1) the moving yard sale target has me almost just wanting to kill myself because if I come back and anyone does anything that makes me move it one more time, I'm going to prison for murdering that person, and I'll probably do it with my hands and teeth, so I'm not likely to get any leniency.
2) I don't give a shit about family I don't know. I know lots of people are into their ancestry and whatnot, but I mostly think that people who are overly concerned about finding royalty in their family lines are people who are looking to bask in someone else's glory as their own, because that's all they're going to get. As for me, being related to me only means that I'm going to be thrust into your presence a lot more often than I would otherwise, and if I like you, it's great. If I dislike you, the fact that you've got some small percentage of my DNA doesn't mean anything at all to me.
3) I get hypnotized driving at night. It can get so bad that I have to just look off to the side and not at the road in front of me, because I nod off if I do. I can be on the verge of falling asleep and stop the car and be wide awake, but once those stripes start rolling in front of me and I have nothing else to look at, I'm going under.
4) Family reunions are the worst fucking things ever if you know nobody there, because at any other thing you at least have the distraction of flirty and witty banter with a stranger. Though, it is a branch of family from Oklahoma and Arkansas, so I'm sure a lot of them are specifically going to the reunion looking for a hook up.
The only other thing I have to say is that my mother is not 1/4 the handyman she led herself to believe she was. I'm certain this house is a hydra. Every time I repair some little thing that she did, two more related problems rear their heads. When I got back from Houston The AC wasn't working. I realized my mother didn't drain the pipes up to the roof, and so those were screwed, and her stopgap was apparently chewed-off by a dog, and so I set up a really redneck solution so that I could sleep and recover from the trip for a few days. That led to the pump going out, and then to me discovering a whole bunch of other problems with flues. She had the AC flue in the furnace room, and the furnace flue in the AC. I discovered the last one after I had reengineered the AC flue to fit the furnace. Whoops. Guess I best sell the house while it's warm outside.
Okay, rant over. I'll vent more when I get back from Oklahoma.
The biggest one of these things is that my aunt went to get screened for cancer because my dad had just died of it, and then my mom did. Guess what! She had some. So she hauled her ass to the biggest and best cancer hospital possible: M.D. Anderson.. I'm not upset about that sacrifice in the least, it's just... Well I have a thing. The thing is this: if you tell me something will happen, or if I plan for something to happen on a certain day, and it gets moved, I'll get annoyed. If it keeps happening, I'll want to kill you. With my aunt, it was fine, because she's really the last vestige of anything parental in my life, and I still really need some of that around, even just passively, because I'm not ready to be an adult. Is anyone? My dad said he never felt like one. I think that might just be how it is for those of us who remain silly and playful goofballs. You're never not a kid, you just see that these kids who are 20 years younger than you are real morons and maybe they need some advice and help.
So this brings me to my latest thing. I went with my aunt, she had surgery, we stayed in Houston for a month and enjoyed that M.D. Anderson is a fucking amazing hospital to be in. It was almost a pleasure to stay there. And then she recovered for a while and we drove back to Deming. And now, NOW I can surely have this yard sale and get on with selling the house. So I set a date and made a plan. And then my grandfather wanted me to drive him that weekend to a family reunion. I kindly blew him off, and then he basically begged me on the verge of tears. So I couldn't fucking say no. Fuck. He wants me to drive all night Friday, "enjoy" the reunion, stay the night, and then drive back all night Sunday. My problems are as follows:
1) the moving yard sale target has me almost just wanting to kill myself because if I come back and anyone does anything that makes me move it one more time, I'm going to prison for murdering that person, and I'll probably do it with my hands and teeth, so I'm not likely to get any leniency.
2) I don't give a shit about family I don't know. I know lots of people are into their ancestry and whatnot, but I mostly think that people who are overly concerned about finding royalty in their family lines are people who are looking to bask in someone else's glory as their own, because that's all they're going to get. As for me, being related to me only means that I'm going to be thrust into your presence a lot more often than I would otherwise, and if I like you, it's great. If I dislike you, the fact that you've got some small percentage of my DNA doesn't mean anything at all to me.
3) I get hypnotized driving at night. It can get so bad that I have to just look off to the side and not at the road in front of me, because I nod off if I do. I can be on the verge of falling asleep and stop the car and be wide awake, but once those stripes start rolling in front of me and I have nothing else to look at, I'm going under.
4) Family reunions are the worst fucking things ever if you know nobody there, because at any other thing you at least have the distraction of flirty and witty banter with a stranger. Though, it is a branch of family from Oklahoma and Arkansas, so I'm sure a lot of them are specifically going to the reunion looking for a hook up.
The only other thing I have to say is that my mother is not 1/4 the handyman she led herself to believe she was. I'm certain this house is a hydra. Every time I repair some little thing that she did, two more related problems rear their heads. When I got back from Houston The AC wasn't working. I realized my mother didn't drain the pipes up to the roof, and so those were screwed, and her stopgap was apparently chewed-off by a dog, and so I set up a really redneck solution so that I could sleep and recover from the trip for a few days. That led to the pump going out, and then to me discovering a whole bunch of other problems with flues. She had the AC flue in the furnace room, and the furnace flue in the AC. I discovered the last one after I had reengineered the AC flue to fit the furnace. Whoops. Guess I best sell the house while it's warm outside.
Okay, rant over. I'll vent more when I get back from Oklahoma.
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